So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
