I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had sex on a roof
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
