You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
