Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
