I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
