lets start a swedish sibling band together
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
