i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
