Your face is a jimmy john
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
