she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
