I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so let's talk penis.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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