I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
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If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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