glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
