i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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