Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
