i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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