So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
