I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
