so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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