If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
