I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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