I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Randomize
