I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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