I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
