if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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