Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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