I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
