I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
they need to just BURY HIM!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just had sex on a roof
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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