I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You pole danced in your parka.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You ruined the universe
Randomize
