She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
