a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
