boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
