I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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