Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
