If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize