the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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