I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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