Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
We had sex on a dog bed..
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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