are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
