The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
