i permit you to call me
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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