Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
