dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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