ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
