only if we run a train.
done.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
