he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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