The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
