So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
