Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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