I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
