I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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