Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
