I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
