Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
