i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
