Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
