I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
