remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
