Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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