On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
okay pat passed out under dana's car
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
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I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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