Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
