apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
