one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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