wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
