Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
