jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
