Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
