Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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