I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
