playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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