he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
